im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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