stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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