what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize