Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
