i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
