Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize