This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
