I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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