A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
