It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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