ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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