I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
