You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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