And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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