He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
