I cockslap morals
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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