guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
