I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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