at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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