why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
