I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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