god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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