So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
