I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
