this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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