highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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