you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
