There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
