so explain again why im purple
no
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
