Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
