There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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