So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
