I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize