She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you didnt know i had herpes?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
