well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
