cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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