She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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