it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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