There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize