sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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