Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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