wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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