I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
