I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
