what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
