careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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