I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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