I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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