I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
