ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
