Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
