woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
