so explain again why im purple
no
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
