everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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