it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
