I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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