Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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