i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
