So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I still have a little drunk in my system
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
