we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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