You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
