it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
