I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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