No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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