We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize