the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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