whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize