how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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