Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
