Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
