he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize