u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
