Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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