Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
