I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
