haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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