i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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