oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
