I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
