if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
