i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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