So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
