Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
