Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
