these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
