I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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