Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
