That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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