I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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