i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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