Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize