the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
