Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
