I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
