I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
