What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My liver just broke up with me...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
