The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
