i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
