hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
