i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize