her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
