remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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