Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
