Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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