Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
