i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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